


Against the Stars

by heliotrope



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternia-Focused, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-20
Updated: 2012-03-25
Packaged: 2017-11-02 06:19:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heliotrope/pseuds/heliotrope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he'd been assigned to a pathetic job guarding a weak and useless human prisoner-of-war, Karkat Vantas hadn't imagined for even a moment that this encounter would literally change his world as he knew it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> More characters and pairings will (probably) be added later. The focus is, was, and always will be John/Karkat, though.

On the first day, they had brought him in bruised and battered and barely conscious, all tied up in every way imaginable. It had seemed like a ridiculous amount of precaution, considering that the prisoner in question was one of those pathetic human things from the latest planet that Her Imperial Condescension was attacking. In fact, Karkat didn’t know why they’d even bothered to bring a human back alive in the first place. The Condesce didn’t take prisoners of war; she simply culled them. He didn’t really care, though, because the important part was that the human’s sorry ass had been dumped on him, the lowest of the low when it came to the hemospectrum.

“Karkat Vantas, inglorious prison guard,” he muttered seethingly to himself. That had a sufficiently pathetic ring to it.

He refused to so much as glance at the human’s way while the two adult trolls, who had been sent back to Alternia temporarily for the sole purpose of transporting the human, unceremoniously dumped the unmoving body in the cell. With his back turned, his sharp ears picked up an impossibly quiet sound of pain, but that was it. No crying, no sobbing, no begging for mercy. Unable to resist, he finally turned around just as the cell door was slammed shut. Through the cold steel bars, suspicious ebony eyes met a pair of liquid blue ones, tired and afraid and almost… resigned? No, that wasn’t it, but Karkat didn’t have any time to dwell on it because the human had finally succumbed to its wounds and fatigue and had closed its eyes, its ragged breathing calming to a shallow but steady rhythm.

The two adult trolls that had brought the human tossed the keys to the cell to Karkat impassively, no doubt eager to get back to all the conquering and slaying and whatever the fuck it was they did on the planets they ravaged. The message was clear: they had no intention of helping with the prisoner, which meant that Karkat would have to deal with their bloody mess all by himself. Lucky him. He’d always wanted to play nursemaid to a pathetic pink blob. The thought had only barely settled in his mind, and the two trolls were already gone. Another moment and he could hear the engines of their starship whirring to life.

His gaze traveled back to the pink-and-blue blob in the cell, and with an irritated huff, he unlocked the door—what had even been the point of locking it in the first place? He thought, annoyed—and knelt down to inspect the human thing. There was no blood, oddly enough, just bruises of all different colors and raw trails of red where the rope had dug into the skin and bit at it. After a few moments of wrestling unsuccessfully with the knots, he made an irritated noise at the back of his throat and grabbed his sickle, slicing the rope away.

The directions had been very clear: the human thing was not supposed to die. He exhaled in frustration and went to grab some fresh towels and bandages. This was not going to be a fun afternoon.

 

On the second day, the human mostly just slept. Karkat had freaked out for a good five minutes, thinking it was dead, but then he had tiptoed into the cell and checked; it was still breathing, though by now the breathing was so shallow that even from less than five feet away, he still had to strain to hear it. This was probably not a good sign.

The bruises and rope burns showed no sign of healing, either. He didn’t know if this was a weak, pathetic human thing, or if it meant the pink blob was in critical condition. Honestly, he didn’t know the first thing about humans, and he was beginning to wonder how they survived at all when they were so weirdly soft and squishy without even any sharp teeth to protect themselves. He didn’t know if the human thing could speak, either, and he didn’t know if he wanted it to be able to. Speaking meant it would become less of a thing to him and more of a human, and that was dangerous. He wasn’t here to pity the fucking blob, after all.

Nonetheless, he changed its bandages one more time than was strictly necessary. It would be really pathetic if he let the human thing die and fucked up his first actual assignment, shitty as the assignment was.

 

On the third day, the human thing had woken up. Karkat had walked into the room without even glancing towards the cell, and he’d almost jumped out of his skin when he turned away from the computers for a second to see a pair of curious blue eyes watching him. Not afraid, not hateful, just curious. Weird fucking human.

“What are you staring at?” He’d snapped, and the human thing had given him the barest of smiles and the tiniest hint of a shrug.

“Your name is Karkat?” It asked softly, hoarsely, with a tinge of childish glee. The first thing Karkat registered was _holy fuck this human thing speaks the same language as us_. The second thing was _its voice is fucking weird_. Then he remembered with a wince that if the swollen rings on its neck were any indication, the human thing had almost been choked to death prior to its arrival, probably when it had been captured; that would explain the rasping voice. But neither of those thoughts passed his lips.

“Yes, good fucking job, you managed to put two and two together, you pathetic bulgelicker.” He said crossly, wondering how the human thing had figured his name out, anyways.

That only elicited another faint smile, and Karkat had the feeling that the human thing would be laughing if its throat would let it. “That’s a weird name,” it breathed raggedly. “Beep beep, meow.”

He had no idea what the alien thing was saying, but it sounded detrimental to his pride, so he simply shot it a nasty look and turned back to his computer. There was a new message from the higher-ups. He clicked on it impatiently, but as soon as a window with the text opened up, his face turned completely pale. He fled.

 

On the fourth day, a pair of Legislacerators came in without warning and abducted the human thing. No, that wasn’t right. First of all, the human was technically Alternian property to begin with, and the Legislacerators were only doing their job. It wasn’t like the human thing belonged to Karkat, and it wasn’t like the Legislacerators were stealing it when they took it away. Second of all, they weren’t even really taking him, they were just “interrogating” him in one of the other rooms in the weird, gloomy building. And third of all, it wasn’t like he hadn’t had any warning. The message had told him exactly when they were supposed to come, but he hadn’t read that part; the first paragraph of the message had already been enough to make him feel sick and hastily close the text.

He knew should have left the moment he saw those garish red-and-teal uniforms, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. So he sat there in front of his computer, typing away at his latest nonsensical code while screams filled the air—ragged, uneven, high-pitched screams of desperation and pain broken by sobs and gasps that he couldn’t block out even though he tried. He didn’t know what kind of interrogation methods the Legislacerators were using on the human thing, and he didn’t want to imagine. He closed his eyes.

Hours later, one of the neophytes—it was Terezi, he realized with a lump in his throat—slipped back into the room, a grin on her face and blood smeared across her skin and clothes. He took a step back involuntarily, utterly confused, because the blood was bright red. For a moment, he panicked and looked down, but he wasn’t wounded at all. He looked back up just in time for the other young Legislacerator to bring in the once-again half-dead body, and suddenly the only thing he could hear was blood pounding in his ears.

There was no doubt about it. Trails of fresh blood streaked across the pink of the human’s skin, fresh and bright and so utterly _red_. He swallowed, his world suddenly upside-down and Terezi was talking to him and he didn’t understand a word she was saying anymore, it was like she was speaking in an alien tongue— _fuck_ , he swore mentally as she licked him again. It was something she did often, and as her matesprit, he’d gotten used to it, but for some reason he couldn’t explain, his stomach was doing queasy backflips at the gesture now, at her very presence, even. Whenever she touched him, the screaming from before would replay in his head, and all he could do was stammer something incoherent and pull away.

“Karkles, what’s gotten into you today?” She asked, grinning tauntingly because she knew, there was no way she didn’t know, no way she hadn’t made the connection between the human thing’s blood and his own. And she was utterly enjoying it.

“I need… some time…” He said, his voice cracking as he slumped heavily into a chair, for once too shocked to even bother to act irritated. She merely cackled and walked out, the other neophyte close on her heels.

A few moments, and the sound of the human’s breathing reminded him that time wasn’t going to stop to let him think. He dragged himself over and swallowed before inspecting the bleeding gashes all over the body. It was lucky, he supposed, that Terezi had been on the team; she preferred mind games to physical pain, although he wondered briefly if that was truly preferable. But at least he couldn’t see those kinds of wounds. He breathed in slowly, counted to ten, then exhaled again before collecting the bandages and a some water, trying very hard not to let his hands shake as he cleaned the blood away. It wasn’t his blood. It wasn’t.

It took two days for the human to regain consciousness after that.

 

By that time he’d already lost track of how many days he’d spent on this stupid job. No one was going to come rescue the human; Earth was about a million light-years away, and he had heard that they didn’t even have advanced enough starships to cross half that distance. None of the other trolls cared enough to try to break in, either, and the human itself was hardly in any shape to try to escape. So he just sat there in one of the massive, plush chairs, curled up with his head in his knees, consumed by a guilt that he didn’t understand. He hadn’t been the one to kidnap the stupid human, or the one to interrogate him. In fact he could pretty much say that he was probably the nicest troll the human had met so far, which was a weird enough thought in and of itself.

So why was he still bothered?

A shuffling noise interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up to see that the human’s eyes were half-open, even if they looked dull and glazed over, not even close to the vivid, liquid blue they had been before. With effort, it pushed itself upright into a sitting position but collapsed against the wall almost immediately.

“Fucktard, stop moving around when you’re in that state,” Karkat swore, almost knocking himself over as he hastily stood up, untangling his legs with limited success. As if to contradict his order, the human straightened up again, its blue eyes fixed on the troll’s every move. Cautious, but not hateful, not angry—not at all. Somehow, that just made Karkat feel like even more shit.

It tried to speak, but only a choked sound came out before it winced and swallowed. He guessed its throat was still raw from all the screaming; the thought only brought another lump to his throat, and he punched himself mentally. What kind of troll pitied a pathetic pink blob like that? What did it matter if one stupid human suffered a bit?  
Nonetheless, he quietly slipped out of the room and walked to the nutritionblock, finding one of the stores of so-called “human food.” He found something liquid as usual and heated it up before carrying it back, hoping that he wouldn’t have to spoon-feed the stupid human as he’d done while it was unconscious. It was really annoying, and besides, he didn’t know if he could stand being in such close proximity to those inquiring eyes.

Sure enough, the human was still awake when he got back, and he quickly unlocked the door to the cell, his one free hand fumbling with the key. With some effort, the heavy door swung open and he walked in, setting the tray on the small table in the room, all while that pair of eyes watched him through the wide lenses of its glasses. He carefully placed the tray down with a soft _clink_ , careful not to spill anything, his hands still just the slightest bit unsteady, before he couldn’t take it anymore and fled.

There was an empty room in the building that he’d stocked with all of his favorite movies and a small but convenient TV, and he knocked the door open blindly, grabbing the closest video disc and shoving it into the player. The television set flickered to life, and he sat down numbly, mouthing the words to the opening as if that could carry him out of this world and into the one on the screen. He watched, transfixed, as the lead began to stammer the worst possible words out of nervousness, his hands wringing and sweat collecting on his forehead. It would eventually cause the stupidest understanding possible, but Karkat already knew the ending to the whole damn thing. Happily ever after. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, and the pain brought him back to reality for a moment when he realized his deadly mistake.

He’d forgotten to lock the cell door.

He stood up abruptly, knocking over a pile of discs in his haste, and rushed back into the other room. When he flung the door open, he had to bite back a strangled noise of horror as his eyes fell on what looked like the human’s dead carcass, collapsed in a heap in the floor in front of his computer. Several of the gashes had reopened in the arduous journey, and when Karkat looked back towards the cell, he saw traces of blood all around that probably indicated that the human had fallen over a couple of times.

The human’s fingers were stained red, too; he’d probably tried to stop the bleeding with his hands.  
He gulped as he noticed the bright red on the keys of his computer. He wiped them away with the sleeve of his jacket before he looking at the screen; sure enough, it had contacted its human acquaintances, though apparently it had only typed up a few lines of text before it had passed out.

EB: hey rose! i’m on this alien troll planet now.  
EB: don’t worry, i’m fine. these trolls are just kind of funny, hehe.  
EB: they really do speak the same language as us! it’s so weird.  
EB: anyways i know you’re not online right now, but i fo

That must have been when he’d passed out. Karkat double-checked the three lines again to make sure there was nothing incriminating, but they were just ridiculous, empty-headed sentences. Didn’t the stupid human know its life was forfeit at any second, if the Condesce so demanded? Didn’t it have any sense of urgency? He swallowed and looked down, and he had the uncomfortable feeling that the human did know, knew it perfectly well. He was lucky that this was one of Sollux’s custom-made, untraceable computers; if any of the other trolls found out… he shuddered.

With a couple of quick swipes, he deleted the messages and cleared the history before shutting down the computer, hoping it was good enough. In his haste, he didn’t see the text that appeared just before he shut everything down. Only a few simple lines, written in bright red text.

EB: anyways i know you’re not online right now, but i fo   
TG: hey bro you alright out there  
TG: hang on just a bit longer weve rigged up something sweet  
TG: youll be doing a fucking pirouette off the handle when you see this shit


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And suddenly, genre shift.

             _Crash._

            Karkat sat up straight immediately, knocked out of his sleep by the sound of an explosion somewhere in the next room. He flung the door open and looked down both hallways, but the whole building was silent as a grave.

            And then, another deafening crash that sent a shower of debris flying at him. He managed to slam the door shut just in time to block most of it, but a shower of dust and pebble rained on him nonetheless, hitting the floor with a soft clatter. One hand still on the doorknob, his mind began racing frantically. What was going on? An attack? By who… or what?

He glanced at the human thing, who was sleeping peacefully in the cell, relatively healed from the incident a few days ago. It couldn’t be the human’s allies, could it? But he dismissed the notion; there was no way they were advanced enough to stage an attack on Alternian ground. First, they’d have to have gotten past the imperial airships.

            Rebels, maybe? Did they know something about the human that he didn’t? Or maybe they just wanted to sabotage the Empress’ plans? Or—

            A beep from the computer broke his train of thought. He looked up; it was a message from the higher-ups. Of all the gog-damned times… he couldn’t be bothered to go check it _now._ But he had barely finished the thought when bright yellow text began scrolling down the screen all on its own without any prompting.

            “Attention, lowblood: You are under attack. This is beyond your control. Cull the human and evacuate immediately.”

            His mouth dropped open, and he read it twice to make sure he was seeing what he’d thought he’d seen. The words remained the same. The first thing that occurred to him was to swear viciously, but his feet remained glued to the ground. In the background, there was another series of explosions, and he almost started yelling at them to stop making so much fucking noise so he could think before he realized that he had been about to scream at inanimate fucking objects.

            He turned to yell at the human instead.

            “Look, dumpass, I know you can understand me even if you’ve only said one fucking sentence in your entire miserable existence on this planet. As much as you are a pain in the nook and a fucking waste of space in general, I refuse to stoop to doing something as sick and pointless as culling a pathetic, useless human, so get the fuck out while you still can. You’ll probably die within twenty-four hours anyways, and then you won’t be my problem anymore.” As he spoke, he wasted valuable minutes fumbling with the lock until the heavy metal door swung open slowly with a pronounced _creeeeak_. The human just stared at him.

            “Do you not understand?” He demanded. “Get the fuck out of here!”

            It shook its head.

            He gritted his teeth. “Why the hell would you pass up an opportunity like this? Is something wrong with your think pan?”

            It tilted its head in consideration for a moment, then shrugged. “Well,” it said slowly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “I wouldn’t know where to go, anyways.” Then he smiled as if the building weren’t being torn apart by explosions, as if he hadn’t been stuck in a miserable prison cell for weeks, as if he were still living a peaceful, useless life on that useless planet he came from.

            “Look, I’m doing this for your own fucking good, do you understand? _Anywhere_ is better than here!”

            “But what if those explosions are my friends’?” He blinked, once.

            Karkat hissed. “You can _not_ be expecting a bunch of useless humans to be doing _anything_ for you at this point!”

            “I can! They—” He ducked abruptly as another explosion rocked the walls, sending a shower of debris over his head.

            “Oh my god, tell me this is not how our first conversation is going! You humans are more fucking retarded than I thought you were!” He made a low noise of frustration in the back of his throat as more loud crashes rocked the walls. “Fine, if you think your friends are so great, stick around for all I care! Get kidnapped by some stupid, bloodthirsty rebels if you want! I am _leaving._ ” He grabbed his sickles and stormed out the door, ears straining to hear any sound of footsteps behind him in the hope that the stupid human might actually listen to his advice and leave. But there were none. He seethed.

            When he reached the exit, he swallowed, his throat dry, as his eyes fell on the decimated hallway. Heaps of rock and the ruined fragments of cameras and wires stood where flat ground had once been, leaving no way for him to walk through. He could climb the rubble, he supposed, but most of it was loose, and there was a good chance of one of the rocks slipping and causing the entire pile to collapse. He wouldn’t be able to survive a rockslide like that.

            He backed away and wracked his think pan, trying to remember if there was any other route to safety. None came to mind; the building was underground, and there was only one exit. Staying in the building in the hopes that the attackers would leave was also not an option. The whole thing might just collapse, and he’d be crushed by the cave-in. There was no choice but to push forward. He lifted a foot and stepped down in a rock tentatively. It didn’t budge, so he pulled himself up, slowly climbing his way to the top until his foot reached a seemingly solid strip of rock.

            By the time he realized his mistake, it was already too late.

            The rock had been wedged precariously underneath two heavier pieces, but his added weight tipped the balance and dislodged it, bringing a good chunk of the pile down with it. His eyes widened, and he barely had time to turn his head halfway before his body began teeter off balance. The walls rushed upwards as a draft played around his back, the wind offering the momentary false promise of salvation before it gave way, and then he was free falling through empty air—

            He didn’t realize his eyes had been squeezed tightly shut until he opened them and realized they were just a bit sore. He was definitely still falling through empty air, but something warm and soft but surprisingly firm was wrapped around him, and traces of blue flickered at the edge of his vision. Stunned, he twisted his head, and the arms holding him slipped just a bit. He heard a soft exclamation of protest and they dropped altitude for a brief moment before the human regained its grip on him and began flying levelly again.

            Wait, the human?

            Flying?

            “You can fly?” He demanded, his mind reeling as he pushed aside what were obviously less important questions like _who attacked this place_ or _what the fuck am I going to do now_. “Humans can fly?”

            “Err… sometimes…” The human mumbled back, only half paying attention to Karkat. His eyes were fixed straight ahead as if simply keeping his gaze locked on his destination could get him there by willpower alone. Karkat bit his lip as he realized that the human’s skin was covered in a light layer of sweat, and his breathing was getting heavy. If the human body was anything like the troll one—and he was pretty sure it was, after several weeks of this bullshit—this flying thing probably cost quite a bit of effort. He sucked in his breath and tried to _feel_ lighter, because maybe that would actually make him lighter and then he wouldn’t be as hard to carry… no, what the hell was he thinking. Of course that wouldn’t work. How could he even have thought for a moment that that would work?

            The bright light of the entrance caught him by surprise, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut as the glare made them burn for a second. It was nighttime outside, thankfully, but even the Alternian moonlight was too bright after having spent days underground. The human must have done the same, because he felt them swerve off course just slightly. They were rapidly losing altitude, and he felt rather than saw the ground close in on them as they tumbled to an inelegant and rather painful crash. Karkat hit the dirt ground face-first, and he let out a disgruntled “oof” as small rocks bit into his skin. The momentum kept him rolling for several feet until crashing into a tree trunk finally broke his forward motion.

He lay there, out of breath and panting heavily, for several moments until he finally reminded himself that just lying out here was incredibly dangerous. With a wince and several curses, he heaved himself upright, ignoring the aches in his bones and the bruises all over him. Flying was definitely not his thing. He glanced around and spotted the human quickly—nothing else on the planet was that annoying shade of blue. With another quick sweep of his eyes, he made sure that no one else was nearby and crawled over to the pink blobby being.

“Hey, get up already,” he hissed in a low voice. “It’s dangerous to be out in the open like this.”

The human thing mumbled something that could have been “no, five more minutes.” Karkat groaned. Was he dealing with a half-a-sweep-old wriggler or something? He kicked him.

Well, more like nudged him with his foot, since kicking anything in that sorry state was more than cowardly.

“I’m getting up, I am,” the human complained, dragging out his vowels _exactly_ like a whiny half-sweep wriggler.

“Then do it fucking faster,” Karkat snapped, tugging on his arm for good measure.

“Ow,” the human winced and sucked in a breath, swatting Karkat’s hand away. “Aw, come on, that was totally unnecessary.” With a bit of a struggle, he managed to stand up and dust himself off, though his fragile pink skin had apparently not been nearly as effective in protecting him from the fall. There were scrapes and cuts all over in addition to the bruises that decorated both of them.

“Stupid fucking human,” Karkat muttered under his breath.

“John,” the human corrected.

“What?”

“That’s my name.”

Karkat shot him a nasty glare. “I don’t care.”

“But that’s not fair. I call you by your name.”

“We’ve had maybe _two conversations_ , dumbass.”

“This makes three,” John grinned.

“That is not the point!” His voice rose a bit too loud for comfort, and he hastily lowered it again. “Fine then, Johnhuman, whatever. It doesn’t even make a grubfucking difference.”

“Well, I guess that’s close enough to count,” the human boy said with an easy smile before plopping right back down on his useless ass. “Wow, so what do we do now?”

“Oh my god, do you want me to spell you the answers for everything? _I_ am going back to my hive to figure out how to explain this mess. _You_ are going to go hide and do whatever the hell it is humans do and try not to get culled or eaten or found by trolls. Maybe your useless human ‘friends’ will come and rescue you like you seem to hope they will.”

            “Well, they probably will, but it will probably take them a few days because they are kind of slow and not very good at rushing things. And—” he stopped suddenly and frowned.

            “And what, exactly?” Karkat asked, rolling his eyes, though his curiosity was piqued now.

            “I don’t know. I am not really supposed to tell that any trolls, but you’re not one of them and you seem pretty nice even though you swear a lot and are kind of an asshole, so maybe it’s okay? But Rose might get mad at me, and besides you might still tell one of them on accident or something.”

            “Gee, maybe if I understood what the fuck you were talking about, this would be a whole lot easier on the both of us.” He threw his hands up in exasperation to emphasize his point, but John simply ignored him.

            “I guess I still shouldn’t tell you,” he decided with a nod. “It’s safer that way. So I guess we just get to hang out until then or something.”

            “No, no, no!” Karkat was on the verge of tearing his hair out by now. “Do you not understand the gravity of the situation? You are a useless _human_ on a troll planet. You are basically a huge walking target, and I am _not on your side_. I was just ordered to take care of you and that is _it._ In fact, tomorrow I am going to report back to the station so they can tell me how much of a fuckup I am and reassign me to yet another shit-filled corner of the planet. Or maybe even cull me, who fucking knows, because I am just that much of a failure.”

            “Oh, I know! You could come with us, then! I mean, it would be kind of awkward because you’re supposed to be our enemy and all, but having an alien friend would be pretty cool! And Dave and Rose wouldn’t mind as long as I told them that you aren’t a spy or something stupid like that.” He grinned as if that were some sort of a joke.

            “Wow, no, just no. I cannot even begin to fathom the depths of your stupidity. I sure as hell hope that the rest of your species isn’t as mentally challenged as you are, because if they are, I don’t even know how you asswipes survived for a second, let alone became the dominant species of your planet. I used to think ‘too stupid to live’ was just an exaggeration, but you know what, your very existence bends the rules of logic, I swear. For one fucking thing, what makes you think that your friends are even going to be able to get here in the first place? News flash, fucktard, they didn’t manage to lift a finger while a team of shitty sadistic Legislaceraters pretty much cut you open to poke at your insides! You have _no logical proof_ that the explosions were theirs, and seeing as your species can’t even make an adequate starship, there is no fucking way they are even going to be able to get here, let alone save you!”

            Surprisingly, John didn’t move to interrupt him even when his ranting turned into yelling, and by the time he was done, he was slightly out of breath again.

            The human boy tilted his head and thought for a moment. “Well, I guess it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but they promised they would and that was the agreement, so I’m sure they will even though they can be pretty slow about it.”

            “Ugh, fine, then! Believe whatever the fuck you want. Get mauled by musclebeasts if you want. I am going back to my hive so I can forget that this shittier piece of my already shitty life ever happened.”

            “Wait! I’ll come with you.”

            “What part of ‘I want to forget this ever happened’ did you not understand?” He demanded, but he relented nonetheless. A part of him idly thought that it would probably even be possible to trick the stupid human into coming with him to one of the main labs of his own volition, and then Karkat would almost certainly be promoted or some equally useless bullshit. But he considered the idea without any real motivation, and honestly, he thought he might choke if he saw another red-and-teal uniform in his life. He was sick of it. Whatever “it” was.

            “Is your house or hive or whatever close by?” John interrupted his thoughts as he glanced around curiously. “What does it look like, anyways? Are all troll buildings underground? This is a really funny looking planet, you know. And your moons are green and pink! That is so weird. How come you don’t go out in the daytime, anyways? It’s pretty dark and it makes it hard to see.”

            “Some of us actually have less than useless vision,” he answered shortly.

            “Oh. So trolls can see in the dark? Like bats! Wait, no, bats hear in the dark or something, right?”

            “What the fuck are bats?”

            “Hmm, I guess you have a different word for it?” He scrunched up his nose in thought. “Um, like, troll bats or something?”

            “Putting the word ‘troll’ in front is not going to help me understand, dumbass.”

            “Huh.” There was a moment of silence, and then the human apparently forgot about his complete inability to think and started talking again. “You know, I always thought you would be, well, more talkative or something.”

            “What the fuck?”

            “I don’t know, you just tend to talk to yourself a lot and rant about stupid things! It’s kind of funny, actually, especially when you’re watching movies on your computer and you think no one’s looking when you start crying or swearing at the actors and trying to give them romantic advice.”

            “Wait, wait, what the fuck are you talking about?”

            “Well, you know, it was kind of boring just sitting there—”

            “I thought you were _unconscious._ ”

            “Oh, I was! Some of the time. But most of the time I was just sleeping. I mean, I didn’t really have much to do and I didn’t understand what was going on in your weird movies, so watching them was kind of boring.”

            “What the fuck? I was having an existential crisis and you were _sleeping_ for fuck’s sake? And anyways, I thought you could understand our language?”

            “Well, I can’t read it, but I can speak it. Rose said it’s because of linked universes or something but I didn’t really understand what she was talking about.”

            “Then what don’t you get about those movies?”

            “I dunno, a lot of things happen and there’s a bunch of weird kissing and stuff even though the characters hate each other and then everyone seems to have like five girlfriends or boyfriends, which I guess Dave would like but it just seems kind of odd and the whole thing is just kind of stupid. I mean, couldn’t they just talk it out or something?”

            “Wow, no. No, that is not how romance works, and anyways, of course they hate each other if they’re kismeses.”

            “So trolls, like, hate their girlfriends or something? That’s kind of dumb.” He laughed lightheartedly as always, which took the sting from his words, but no one—and that meant _no one_ —insulted the fine nuances of romance and got away with.

            “No, you culturally insensitive asshole, that’s not how it works. Look, there are four quadrants, two of which are for concupiscent purposes. So obviously one of them is for hate and one is for pity. Do you get it now?”

            John bit his lip thoughtfully for a second and then shrugged. “Nope. Why can’t you just have one?”

            “Ugh, once again, no. I am simply shocked speechless by the extent of your stupidity. Or I would be, if I hadn’t already been there ages ago. Is there even a limit to how stupid your species can be? What would you do with only one quadrant, anyways? I’m amazed any of you even managed to reproduce with any efficiency.”

            “I don’t know, I think it works pretty well because there are definitely more humans on Earth than there are trolls on this planet,” he said dubiously, giving the empty landscape a disapproving look.

            “Maybe humans just breed a whole lot. It’s probably necessary because you’re all too stupid to live.”

            “That’s probably just because only the stupid people keep hitting on girls all the time! Like Dave.” He cracked a grin at some private joke. “And smart people like Rose and Jade just stay in their rooms all day.”

            “What.”

            It was at this point that Karkat decided that trying to decipher the human think pan was a waste of his time. He’d never understand it. It was just made of garbled nonsense. Which reminded him of yet another nonsensical mystery he had yet to figure out.

            “Why the fuck can you fly, anyways? Humans aren’t supposed to be able to fly. Is this some sort of weird mutation or something?”

            “Uhh, the flying, well.” He frowned and shifted uncomfortably. “That’s supposed to be a secret, I think.”

            “Good job keeping it a secret.”

            “Hey! It was a life-threatening situation, alright? Besides, I saved your life. You could be a bit nicer about it.”

            “Yeah, like you’re the pinnacle of congeniality yourself. Stop changing the subject, numbnuts.”

            He stuck his tongue out childishly. “You started it.”

            “Shut up and talk.”

            “I’m really not supposed to say anything,” he said apologetically with a sigh. “Although I kind of don’t really understand it myself, so I probably wouldn’t be much help anyways.”

            “That’s just great, isn’t it? Is there even anything you do know?”

            “Lots of things!” John frowned indignantly in protest. “Like good movies and video games and pranking, of course, and also piano, and baking even though cake is stupid, but my dad liked baking so I know how to bake. And I’m also a totally leet hacker and a really awesome magician and I know a lot of cool things about supernatural stuff…” He counted off his fingers as he spoke until he ran out of fingers and just began tapping his index finger aimlessly. His list eventually became more and more pointless until he was reduced to something like “slime pogo-riding,” which Karkat didn’t understand at all but which sounded as stupid as it did pointless. He thought that made it an appropriate time to step on the human boy’s foot.

            “Ow! What was that for?”

            “For being stupid, as always. If—” He stopped abruptly when he heard a rustling noise from slightly head. Instantly, he dropped to the ground behind the nearest bush, dragging John down with him and dislodging a good amount of leaves. Someone would have to do some tending to their lawn ring later, but right now, he didn’t really care.

            “What is it?” The human whispered in what was supposed to be a quiet voice, but which certainly wouldn’t fool any troll ears.

            “Shut up,” Karkat hissed and squinted into the distance. “There are other hives ahead, so you’re going to have to be careful as fuck. And you’re obviously shit at being stealthy, so just fly or something so your footsteps won’t make any noise.”

            “Um, alright,” he said dubiously, but obeyed. “Which one is yours, then?”

            “The red one. It’s not too far from here.”

            Slowly, tentatively, Karkat edged his way through the maze of buildings, with John close behind. He wished he could do something about that ridiculously conspicuous color of blue the other boy was wearing, but no, he’d missed his chance back at the lab. Speaking of which, it was amazing they were still clean. Some sort of bizarre human technology? Leave it to a bunch of humans to invent useless laundry techniques instead of developing proper spacecrafts.

            He froze when another rustle reached his ears, the blood pounding in his head as he tried to hold his breath and stay perfectly still. Silence. He bit his lip and narrowed his eyes—he was so close, _so close_ , there were only two more hives. There was still no noise, so he raised one foot slowly and was about to put it down when a shout froze his blood in his veins. Another voice quickly shushed the first one.

            “Shut up! What if he comes back and hears you?”

            Who was that? Karkat strained his ears, but it was no one that he knew. It did, however, come from what was unmistakably _his_ hive.

            “He’s not coming back. Face it, he’s as good as dead now, and he’s probably smart enough to figure it out, mutant or not.” This one was a low, confident drawl.

            John looked like he wanted to ask something, but Karkat put a finger over his lips with a furious glare. The other boy got the hint and shut up.

            “Look, fucktard, I don’t want to be on patrol any more than you do, but this is a job and believe me, you’d better do it right.”

            “Yeah? Or else what?”

            There was a thump and then a muffled _oof_. One of the trolls must have kicked the other one.

            _Fuck_ , Karkat mouthed. John was still blinking inquiringly, completely lost. The other two trolls were still distracted, it seemed, so Karkat took advantage of the moment to grab the human’s wrist and pull him away as quickly as he could while still being relatively silent. They stumbled across springy grass, ruining someone’s well-kept lawn ring in their wake, until they were far away enough from his hive that he felt safe enough to stop for a moment. Spotting a relatively sheltered alleyway, he pulled the human in and sat down heavily, vascular pump still racing.

            “What was that?” John burst out, unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

            “I don’t know,” he snapped, feeling panic well up inside him. “They have patrols outside my hive—they want to arrest me.” _He’s as good as dead now,_ the troll had said. He wracked his think pan desperately for any clue as to why, but none came up.

Unless… unless it was because they had figured out that he hadn’t killed the human when he had been supposed to?

            He sucked in a breath.

            If he had never decided to leave him alone, he’d be back in his respiteblock right now with a buttery tub of grubcorn and a timeless romantic classic as usual. Maybe if he had followed those orders… He tried to imagine it for a moment—hot, red, blood flowing down soft, pink skin, the tangy smell of salt and iron in the air, the cold edge of his sickles biting into warm flesh, blue eyes full of betrayal and confusion and horror and anger. Or even worse—forgiveness. Understanding. Resignation.

            He shuddered. No, it had already been far too late by then, he realized. Too late to save himself and too late to turn away. His life had been forfeit the moment he’d set eyes on that stupid human.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dave is obv the main character, everyone else go home.

            “Karkat? Karkat, your face is red.”

            He jerked his head up, his thoughts scattered into the wind as John shook him slightly. He hadn’t realized that he’d been holding his breath the whole time, and as he inhaled now, his head started to spin.

            It wasn’t fair.

            It wasn’t fair that one single useless excuse for a living thing could ruin his life so completely and thoroughly, could turn everything he’d worked towards for the past seven sweeps upside-down and snatch away his entire future by simply existing.

            It just wasn’t _fair._

“Karkat?”

            He glared at the human. “What the fuck _is_ it?”

            “I don’t know, but you seem kind of out of it.” Bright blue eyes peered at him anxiously, and he hissed.

            “Out of it?” He grabbed the collar of the human’s shirt, his fingers curling tightly around the blue cotton with quiet desperation. “I might be expected to be out of it, since, oh, I don’t know, we’re on the run from the most powerful empire in this galaxy and the next? Did that ever occur to you?” He shoved angrily, pushing the both of them onto the ground, his weight pinning the other boy to the ground. From beneath his own body, he could feel the labored rise and fall of the human’s chest. “If I had just stabbed you—” his tongue tripped over itself, and he had to stop for a moment to collect his voice. “If I had just done what I was supposed to do back then instead of being a stubborn _idiot_ , I probably wouldn’t even be in this mess!”

            The human made an effort to get up, but Karkat’s grip on his shirt only tightened. The thin cotton slipped down, leaving the pale, tender skin of the throat bare. Just one shallow slice—that was all it would take. John cleared his throat.

            “Um, well, I’m sorry about that,” he said, his voice strained from the dead weight on top of him as he tried—and failed—to sound properly chagrined. “But I guess I would be kind of dead if you had, so I can’t say that I’m very sorry. But I guess that since we’re both alive and not in some weird alien jail, it’s still kind of a good thing?”

            “A good thing? Why don’t you describe how trying to dodge Her Imperial Condescension’s troops is in any way _‘a good thing’_?”

            John frowned. “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

            “Oh, really? Do you have a brilliant plan for survival, then? If you do, I’d love to hear it,” he bit out acidly.

            “Well, Rose… and Dave… promised to come, so…”

            “ _Other_ than depending on shitty humans who will probably never get here!” Karkat interrupted.

            “They will!” He insisted earnestly. “You don’t understand. That was what they promised before I—” he stopped again, which earned yet another hiss of frustration from Karkat.

            “More secrets? Or things you don’t know? It’s either one or the other with you, isn’t it?”

            For a while, there was only silence and the sound of their ragged breathing and the wind drifting its way between grass and stone, and then John sighed. “Sorry.” He said finally, and that was it.

            Slowly, Karkat loosed his grip on his shirt, his fingers uncurling one by one as he pulled his hand away. “No,” he said edgily. “It would be stupid of you to tell me, anyways.” What was he expecting? He pushed himself upright and kicked a wall angrily.

            “It’s not that I don’t trust you—”

            “Well, you shouldn’t.” He said bluntly. “There’s no reason for you to trust an alien stranger who was just half a day ago supposed to make sure you never got your freedom.”

            “But—”

            “This is a fucking stupid topic, so just drop it already!” He rubbed his nose vigorously as he turned around to look ahead. “For now, we need to get the fuck out of here and find a place to hide. And who knows, maybe those stupid, slow-as-hell human friends of yours will get off their asses and do actual shit.”

            John looked like he still wanted to say something, but after a pause, he sighed and nodded. “Somewhere close by,” he insisted. 

            “Like we could even get that far on foot anyways,” Karkat snorted, glancing around as he thought. Somewhere close but not too close, somewhere isolated and relatively well-hidden.

            “Terezi’s forest,” he said suddenly, and John glanced up from poking a bug on the ground to look at him inquiringly.

            “Terezi?” He asked. “That girl from—”

            “Yes, that girl who was poking your insides out and then fucking laughing about it just a few days ago,” he snapped, more curt than he’d meant to be. “No one lives there anyways, it’s far away from the ocean, and it’s easy to hide in the trees. And there are plenty of featherbeasts and shit there that we can eat.” He grabbed John’s wrist without waiting for a reply and began stomping in the direction of the forest.

            “Well, okay then.” The human said dubiously, but his answer was redundant anyways because Karkat sure as hell didn’t care whether he was going to agree or not. There was a pause, with only the scuffle of feet dragging on concrete to fill the silence, before John spoke up again. “Are you mad at that girl?”

            Karkat scowled. “In case you haven’t noticed, I have a tortured psychological profile full of unaired grievances against practically _everyone_ , so yes, I am mad at her, fucknuts.”

            “Oh.” He lapsed into silence again. “Well, I tripped.”

            “What?” He asked irritably, in no mood to decipher the alien’s bizarre speech patterns.

             “Um, this is kind of awkward to say, but she didn’t, you know, do anything. I tripped.” He paused again. “Although now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure she tripped me on purpose.”

             “What the fuck does this have to do with anything?” Despite his words, though, he could feel his vascular pump beating at an unholy pace, and his head felt a lot lighter than was normal.

             “Because she’s like your alien girlfriend or something, right?” His forehead creased in puzzlement as he apparently tried to recall something. “Uh, she said something like, the two of you are colored like delicious cherries or… something.” He grinned when he saw the tips of Karkat’s ears turning red. “Well, I’m not entirely sure how it works, but I guess it would be kind of creepy to have a girlfriend who beats people up?”

             “Whatever.” He gritted his teeth. “Why the fuck would she do that, anyways? It’s her _job_ to beat people up, dumbass. She’s supposed to flay traitors within an inch of their lives until the ‘fess up. Don’t tell me it was because you looked so pathetic that even she decided to pity you.”

             “No! No, it was part of the…” He hesitated and bit his lip, threading his fingers together uncertainly with fixed concentration and knitted eyebrows. Karkat thought for a moment that he was going to say something like _it’s a secret_ again, but after a long pause, he finally glanced up at the other boy’s confused, expectant face and inhaled. “It was part of the plan.”

             Silence.

             “The plan?” Karkat echoed dumbly, utterly lost.

             John’s head gave a single, jerky nod.

             “You and Terezi…? When did you… What… The two of you _planned_ everything together?” He heard the words coming out of his mouth with disbelief.

             This time, the human shook his head vigorously. “Not us.”

             “Then _who_?” Karkat realized he had stopped dead in his tracks without realizing it and hurriedly put his foot forward. There was no time to waste for being fucking shocked out of his head.

             “I can’t tell you that yet!” His voice rose an octave, and Karkat could tell that the human was as agitated as he was by his inability to say anything. Apparently, John felt the need to compensate by releasing a torrential flood of agitated words. “I just had to say something because it’s really not her fault, but I guess you were really surprised when you saw it, and I would feel really bad if you broke up or something because of me! I really didn’t get hurt that badly, you know, it was mostly surface wounds and stuff but there had to be a lot of blood because if there wasn’t, someone would figure it out and everything would be ruined! But nothing happened, I just tripped and I guess she did some other stuff too and all she did was give me this troll medicine or something to make me sleepy, and it was all really only to make it look like they actually did something—”

             “I heard _screaming_ ,” Karkat cut him off bitterly. “Was that fake too?”

             A look of surprise flitted across John’s face mid-outburst. “What?”

             “Screaming, dumbass.” He ground his teeth. “Just because you don’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”

             The human’s voice faltered. “What are you talking about?”

             “I’m saying that Terezi is ruthless when she needs to be and there’s nothing fucking wrong with it because that’s how _all_ trolls are, and if you think we’re not then there’s something fucking wrong with your retarded human think pan.”

             John sighed at that and gave up with a half-hearted shrug. “I don’t know. I just wanted to clear things up, but now I am even more confused.”

             “Yeah, no shit, dumbass.” He snorted.

             “I mean, being on this planet is just kind of confusing in general.”

             “Probably because you’re stupid.” Karkat suggested with a disparaging glance.

             John stuck his tongue out in response. “This is just a really weird planet! I mean, do trees normally spew out smoke here?”

             “No, fucktard, it’s only weird because you—what?” His head snapped up. “The fuck—” His voice turned into a choked gargle, and his mouth dropped open as he saw the billowing plumes of grey smoke drifting elegantly into the sky from the middle of a particularly thick cluster of pink trees. “Shit, get down!” He hissed, and he felt the blood turn to ice in his veins even as his bloodpusher started thumping wildly because _fuck, fuck, fuck, how had they known, how had—_

             “Dave?” John said incredulously from beside him, ignoring Karkat’s frantic order, and Karkat whipped his head around to yell at the human because this was no time for his stupid games, they were going to be culled, the Condesce’s army was _not a fucking joke—_

             “Dave!” The human waved his arms, and for the first time Karkat saw a pale, red-swathed figure emerge from the midst of the column of smoke. In fact, now that the smoke was starting to clear, he saw that it was really more of a mixture of displaced dust and thick, gray exhaust being spewed out of the pipe of a small spacecraft. Definitely not one meant for intergalactic travel, but it was fast and stealthy and, last he checked, beyond anything a human was supposed to be able to possess. The hideous figure walking toward them was no troll, though, and it did resemble John to some degree. Karkat bit his lip and glared into the dust again, watching as the second human walked toward them unwaveringly, a gleaming white sword slung to one side casually and yet still poised for action at a moment’s notice.

 _Dangerous_ , it sang, the blade glistening in the green-tinted moonlight.

            And then without warning, the sharp blade came slashing down at him, suddenly inches from his nose when it had been at least twenty feet away just barely a moment ago. Blood roared in his ears, obscuring the sound of John’s panicked shout and the crunch of his footsteps on gravel, and suddenly he hit hard ground and pain echoed in his body as stars exploded in his head.

            The voices around him seemed far away, but he could faintly make out John’s familiar voice, agitated and frantic for once—no, twice now—as he argued with another steady, unfamiliar voice. They started drifting farther and farther away, until there was nothing but silence and darkness and calm, and all of a sudden Karkat was too tired to care. He closed his eyes.


End file.
